Scrub Life: The Skin Wins

If the thought of an old Korean lady squirting hot milk all over me in front of a bunch of strangers makes you laugh, this story is for you.

Now if you’re anything like me, you’re probably lazy, somewhat-to-totally overweight, and a fan of living outside your means. This is AMERICA, right? Where anything is possible! Like freedom and cankles and an empty bank account.

Last month I got on a scale, and that scale told me how many chins I had: Around 19, and that was just on my left side. The scale was a self-righteous asshole but I value total honesty in a friend, so it was also very confusing. Make it my new bestie or bury it in the backyard next to the Shake Weight?

Around the same time, I checked my bank account for funds, which was like shouting down a well and hearing nothing but echo. ‘Stop doing things in reverse,’ I told myself. ‘Imagine a life where you lost weight, gained money, had an owl, and went to Hogwarts.’

Instead, my friend Andrea and I went to the naked Korean women’s spa in South Tacoma (which, like anything, when compared to a wizard school, is actually kind of dull). When she called to see if I was available, these were my first three thoughts:

Yes! It’s the perfect time to relax and reconnect while surrounded by supportive women!
No! This is the worst time to be fat and self-conscious in a place where everyone is nude!
Wait! They have potstickers! I am totally going! AND A VIOLENT DEATH TO THOSE WHO STAND IN MY WAY.

To recap: Food, not relaxation, was the motivating factor in getting me to the spa for services I couldn’t afford at the time. We booked appointments anyway. Story of my life.

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Baked: Rainbows + Birthday Cake

I like my cake how I like my pride parades: colorful, super gay, and topped with edible glitter.



When a unicorn poops out goodness into the world, this is what it looks like.

Enter: This cake. Made for a 12-year old’s birthday. She didn’t like chocolate (AUDIBLE GASP) but really wanted lemon, which is an acceptable third choice after chocolate and more chocolate. Not sure if you’ve heard, but I’m sort of a chocolate superfan.

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“Health”: Salad & Marriage Week

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“Health”: Marriage & Weak Salad

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Thwarted By Oink & Moo

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I’d Like To Fit Into My @$?!%&# Clothes

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I Give Up, Let’s Eat Salad

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Damn It, Now I Feel Better

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Marriage Vows Change Everything

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See how my blog name has the word ‘ham’ in it? I guess I’m not chasing that pink dragon anymore. No more mainlining that deliciousness for the time being/foreseeable future/maybe forever. Later on I might try it as a garnish, or nibble a piece of lean bacon over breakfast, but pork and beef, cow and pig, oink and moo – two of my lifelong besties – have become problematic frenemies who bring internal ruin and suffering.

Excuse me while I weep over a pile of healthy, overpriced microgreens.

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The Feelings Buffet Is Closed

There has to be a word for the time you write a thousand-word blog post about how stressed out you are in order to alleviate that stress and then WordPress loses it, causing even more stress on a day when the stress piles are already high and mighty. Because my head feels like it might explode at any minute in a fiery WordPress rage, I’m just going to post some photos that make me very happy instead. Here goes.


Here is my new favorite cake, a Turkish one I made for the Thanksgiving wedding of two fabulous ladies. Many thanks to Traca for the kitchen assistance. Decorated with tiny orchids and a little banner I made that says ‘Wedding Congratulations’ in Turkish. Serve with fresh whipped cream. The flavors are both simple and complex; it tastes like exotic happiness.


So this exists. Taken on Capitol Hill because awesome, that’s why.


It was fun having a toy parade in honor of Justin’s 32nd year on Planet Earth. I wish I could have thrown him a Macy’s Day Parade, but this was more affordable.


I love the pink deviled eggs at Bitterroot in Ballard. I actually love a lot of things – food and drink things – at Bitterroot in Ballard. Please go and keep them in business, but get out the way when I arrive. There is pork to be had.


We’ve been having lovely nights out with friends for a welcome distraction from the wedding planning. This evening surrounded Pike Place Market; we went with B & E to Seatown to see my brother (the food was delicious!), then headed to RGB, and finished off at The Virginia Inn. Seattle nights out = happy funtimes!


Last but never least: the cheese. As you can see, it stands alone but not totally alone. This was taken at my friend KW’s place while she designed our Save the Dates (they were awesome!). So thankful to all the friends who have lent and offered their time, resources, talents, and ears to our winter wedding woopdedoo. Also, I love my phone camera. It takes pretty good photos.

I hope my lost post (the stress-y one) just appears someday, like horrible internet magic. If it doesn’t, here’s what you missed: we are le tired.






A LEGO Love Story (Updated)

The Viking + The Hula Girl

The Viking + The Hula Girl

So I guess engagement photos are a thing now. When Justin and I decided to get married – no fancy proposal story, just a nice Valentines Day dinner and a practical conversation about the future – we didn’t think about engagement photos. To be honest, we got busy with life stuff and didn’t announce our intentions until our 6-year anniversary, some seven months later. But during our engagement party at Blue Moon Burgers – a fundraiser for Referendum 74 (which we won!) – I was asked about engagement photos by a lot of people. And for the next year, while recuperating from my broken arm debacle, I was asked about them. Then on Twitter, Facebook, and through email, I was asked about them. Apparently all the recent photos of us through various social media sites just weren’t enough because NO ONE KNEW WHAT WE LOOKED LIKE.

Golem presents us with one ring to rule them all.

Gollum presents us with one ring to rule them all.

Everyone wants Sauron at their wedding.

Everyone wants Saruman at their wedding.

One thing The Viking and I have in common is being contrarian; I like doing things differently, and so does he. When we discussed doing engagement photos, I balked at having a photographer follow us around in outfits we wouldn’t normally wear, in a park we wouldn’t normally go to, all while pretending to act natural. Turns out ‘acting natural’ makes me look like a dead-eyed waxy mannequin, so that just wasn’t an option.

Alien beach bum photobomb.

Alien beach bum photobomb.

Being from Seattle, we love to *eat* fish...

Being from Seattle, we love to *eat* fish…

If our photos were really us being us, it would involve a lot of him in his office playing Guild Wars 2, and me eating ham on the couch in my pajamas. I didn’t want the pretty pictures in the park, nor did I want a real-life picture of our everyday lives. We just wanted something timeless and fun.

Us in South Park sans Cartman.

Us in South Park sans Cartman.

We've never done whatever this is, but maybe now we will.

We’ve never done whatever this is, but maybe now we will.

Enter Shelly, LEGO photographer extraordinaire. We met at Super Deli Mart a few years back, and I’ve followed her amazing LEGO Instagram feed ever since. My lightbulb moment of “Oh! Let’s ask Shelly!” was followed by the easiest process known to man. We had one meeting and exchanged a few emails, and then she did these awesome photos of us. Well, LEGO us, which is really much cooler than actual us.

Star Wars nerds 4 LYFE

Star Wars nerds 4 LYFE

We are Legends of Chima!

We are Legends of Chima!

We’ll be adding these (and more) to our wedding website, which should be soon since we’re getting married on New Year’s Eve! These photos are very much US, which is really the point. Thanks to Shelly for such amazing photos! She’s making a book of the photos she’s done for us, and framing one of our favorites for the mantel. We couldn’t be happier with how they turned out. Besides the end result, not posing for them was my favorite part.

Our wedding party brought to you by Lord of The Rings.

Our wedding party brought to you by Lord of The Rings.

“If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers...” (Antoine de Saint Exupery, The Little Prince)

“If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers…” (Antoine de Saint Exupery, The Little Prince)