The Hamazon

Learning is serious, guys, stop goofing around.

If this photo looks like it was taken back in 1974, then the assumption that we hosted a cooking class 37 years ago is absolutely correct. We just reversed the flow of time back to what was arguably the best decade that ever was or ever will be: The Me Decade, Vietnam, disco, Star Wars, environmentalism, Barry Manilow, and non-ironic leotards. Also, I was born! God bless The Seventies.

Just kidding! We took a time travel machine.

Really, it’s just my crappy camera phone + the wrong filter + Photoshop. My photographer got sick the day of, c’est la vie, but back to the men making om-noms for their ladies. Chef Sam, our fearless leader, chose a simple classic meal de romance to teach the guys: Champagne fondue, rib eye steak and sauteed shrimp, green bean-mushroom side, and an easy chocolate mousse. Everything was delicious.

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CATSPLOSION

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100,000 toothpicks

PILLOW FIGHT!

Turning people into plastic

Handbells and harmonies

GORILDO is the musical brainchild of electronic opera singer, Mannheim Meatholder, and pioneering Krautrock handbellist, Jann Hansen.

Track listing for GORILDO (self-titled EP):

Guerrildo Warfare

Gorildos in the Mist

Banana Hammock

Gorild-Uh-Oh! (feat. Ke$ha)

The Jungle is a Scary Mothrf*kkrr

G is for GORILDO

The band is named for their favorite Boom Blox character, Gorildo, a professional cartoon gorilla who wears a suit and matching fedora.  This hypnotic lounge act has electrified hotel bars and frat houses around the world since their album first dropped (Sept 2011).

Excerpt, SXSW interview, Rolling Stone mag:

MM: The fire department said it was faulty wiring or something? And then something about the pool. No one wants to do a show that ends in electrocution, especially of your biggest fans. But we’re not electricians, we’re entertainers. And right up until 911 got called, we were doing just that: entertaining. Which I’m sure will be reflected in the outcome of our related wrongful death suit.

Excerpt, Pitchfork interview:

PF: What was it like working with Ke$ha?

JH: It was like being gored by a unicorn with AIDS.

PF: And what is that like?

JH: It is just like working with Ke$ha.

MM: Whatever, he slept with her.

JH: Now I have unicorn AIDS.

A partial list of Gorildo’s tour rider was leaked to Gawker:

50 hard-boiled eggs in a refrigerated briefcase that’s attached to its own security guard

Two pigmy marmosets (with skills)

A room made to look exactly like The Central Perk from Friends

Fried chicken from at least 12 local restaurants

A paint bucket filled with the finest whiskey or bourbon in the land

A large, framed picture of Pluto (no anti-Pluto paraphernalia, anywhere!!!!!)

1 sound-proof, transparent coffin for Ms. Meatholder to vocalize in

1 children’s choir to sing inappropriate lullabies while Mr. Hansen naps

2 mimes that will be forced to speak under extreme emotional duress

1 sunbear

Unlimited powers

The world’s first electronic opera handbell rock stars are taking the world by storm, one overly-protected hard-boiled egg at a time. Watch for their upcoming summer tour and a full-length album in 2013.

Pretty

Thanks to Naomi and Rachel (and Facebook), I discovered an available ticket to the Anthony Bourdain/Eric Ripert show at The Paramount (Feb 11, 2012). I didn’t know what to expect, but when Mr. Bourdain and Monsier Ripert came out onstage, my first immediate thought was, ‘Okay, these are my kind of rock stars.’

Sure, I love some actual rock stars (Peter Frampton! The Bee Gees!), but I don’t watch MTV — I’m too old/fat/smart for that shit. Instead, I watch food shows. I read food blogs and follow food tweeters and buy baking books and swap recipes. FOOD is the music I listen to the most, the art I most admire. Food is my drug, for better or worse. Worse, if you’ve seen my ass lately, I mean Jesus.

Pretty expensive

Anthony Bourdain walks a thin line between relaxed and intense. He swears with the greatest of ease and hams it up for the audience on-stage. Eric Ripert, with his decadent French accent and dignified air, was half-dragged, half-teased through most of it. They made a pretty good team: one would lob a high ball, the other one would hit it. I enjoyed the first half a lot; the format really worked. They interviewed each other — well, interrogated would be more accurate — and shared a good rapport. You could tell they were real friends. And I only understood every fourth word out of Chef Ripert’s mouth, but that didn’t matter. He’s pretty.

My favorite question from the audience was, “So how shit-faced were you in the San Francisco episode?” I came home and watched it right away, and yeah, he was pretty fucked. It was good for a laugh. And I loved the Paramount show, too, despite having sold all my blood to afford the damn thing.