13 Thirteen-Related Things

1) There are 13 Archimedean solids. I mean, obviously — love those complex polyhedrons. (It’s a Fibonacci number, too!)

2) People fear the number 13, resulting in the ever-popular phobia, Triskaidekaphobia. 13 is a bad ass.

3) Colgate University was founded by 13 men with 13 dollars, 13 prayers, and 13 articles. The Colgate community looks on the number 13 fondly.

4) 13 is the number of bread loaves in a baker’s dozen. 13 is also the number of cupcakes I can eat in one sitting.

5) At The Last Supper, there were 13 people at the table: 12 apostles plus Dr. Christ (I like to think of Him as a doctor because he was Jewish and healed folks and stuff). The events that followed soured a perfectly lovely dinner with friends and, later on, betrayers.

6) In ancient cultures, the number 13 represented femininity — or biological insanity, maybe — because it corresponded to the number of lunar (menstrual) cycles in a year. That kind of information makes me want to burn a house down and cry until FOREVER.

7) Alex Rodriguez wore the number 13 while playing for the New York Yankees. I’m not a fan of either, but I am a fan of rich people commissioning paintings of themselves as centaurs to hang in their bedrooms.

8 ) The Great Seal of The United States of America has thirteen: stripes on the emblem, olive branches and olives, arrows, characters making up the dictum E Pluribus Unum, characters making up the dictum Annuit coeptis, and breast coverts on the bird. The Great Seal is apparently a fan of 13.

9) Taylor Swift was born on December 13th and considers it her lucky number. It will be until something tragic happens, which won’t because it’s Taylor Swift. If that girl poops, I’ll bet it’s edible milk chocolate shaped like newborn kittens, wrapped in light pink foil and sold in candy stores everywhere as ‘Choco-Purrrfection!’ Taylor Swift’s waste is another man’s dessert.

10) In Mesoamerican divination, 13 is the number of important cycles of fortune/misfortune. Yay, fortune! Boo, misfortune!

11) On Friday the 13th in Finland, they have National Accident Day, to educate the public on how to avoid accidents. Wow, Finland — I could have used you when I was potty-training or playing Wrestlemania or driving in the snow. Remember when I lost that check? And thought that fat gal was pregnant? Or the time I dropped the kitchen knife through my foot?

12) Thirteen is a 2003 film about two young teen girls that scared the shit out of me. It made me happy I was closer to 30 than 20, but the film was well done.

13) In Judaism, 13 signifies the age at which a boy and girl mature and become a Bar Mitzvah. My child is now 13 (insert freak-out here); yes, that unfair stinkbomb of an age. ‘Thirteen!’ I thought on his birthday. ‘How in fuck did we get here?‘ I hope this endurance test is different for boys somehow, or that they find a cure for this terrible disease called ‘teen.’ I might hunker down in my bomb shelter until I hear the all-clear. Protect yourself from your loved ones!

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