Alternate title: This Shit Is Going To Suck But At Least It Will Be Done
I’ve dubbed 2012 ‘The Year of Loose Ends.’ There’s a list — a terrifying, nightmarish list — of things I should have done [have been meaning to do, have been avoiding like the plague, have issues around] in the last, oh, fifteen years. Some of these Things are difficult in various ways; some are Things that just got put on the backburner in the nineties. All have kept me up at night at one time or another.
Alongside this loose-ends list resides a more interesting one: The fun stuff I want to do and experience this year to balance out the concurrent Promethean challenges that must also be completed. I’m throwing more events this year, meeting new people, saying ‘yes’ to things I normally wouldn’t; I’m trying to expand my universe. I want to look back on 2012, if our Mayan overlords allow it, and say I
got shit done;
wildly participated in the world;
stayed open to being uncomfortable;
took running jumps in the right direction;
lived in reality.
I figure all this stuff will be easy if I somehow make Deepak Chopra, Lady Gaga, and Martha Stewart my roommate-hostages, Misery-style. They’ll keep me on track and on my toes. I will lovingly break some famous knees if I have to.
If this really was my last year on Earth — which is not something I subscribe to — I would want to make it magical, like Harry Potter meets Pooh Corner meets The Hitchhiker’s Guide. I would go for bigger laughs and creative lightning; I would try out for Quidditch and always bring a towel.
Luckily, it’s only my last Mayan year on Earth, so why not manifest the good stuff anyway? I can only benefit. Last year was better than the year before, which was better than the year before that, etc etc. That means I’m doing okay — visually, at least — on the boring flow chart of my life.
I’m not looking forward to The Year of Loose Ends, but I’m going to have fun regardless. The concept of having a cake but never eating it makes ZERO sense to me. Where did that ridiculous phrase come from? If there’s cake, of course I’m going to eat it! I probably baked the goddamn thing, so it’s just common sense.
I’m going to make this the best last Mayan year of my life.