A real vacation takes you somewhere that you’ve always wanted to go. Ohio was on my bucket list between Visit Northeast Iowa and Take cat to the vet. True confession time: We don’t own a cat.
Ohio was actually a pretty fun trip, but it made me want to travel. I wanted to use words like journey and adventure without laughing or putting on Lord of The Rings.
Fast forward four years and enter: A wedding, for the fiancé’s sister in Costa Rica, which is farther away than Oregon. Finally! Can you say “Mango slushees at the swim-up bar”? Because I can, in 48 languages.
Having been in Costa Rica for the last nine days, I think we showed Travel who’s boss. I didn’t discover a new planet or anything, but I went somewhere and did stuff. Stuff! Somewhere! With others! Like in the ocean and the rainforest or whatever.
I re-introduced myself to The World, and now we’re friends again.
-There is nowhere in the world you can go that isn’t playing Seal’s ‘Kiss From A Rose.’ Pick somewhere on a map at random. Nome, Alaska? West Papua New Guinea? That song is playing in a bar or discount grocery store right now.
-Airports are bizarre, and filled with really weird people. Talking to you, lady getting x-rayed with giant cat.
-The ocean is a vast, unpredictable, terrifying place. You can’t see what’s in it, you can’t overpower it, and it’s claimed many human lives of varying ages and occupations, consistently, since The Beginning of Fucking Time. But still, we say JUMP IN! OMG! SO FUN!
I think if the ocean were a building in downtown Seattle with the same variables and casualties, we would never drive three hours just so our half-dressed children could go into it.
-Trying to avoid people from high school in airports – namely, hiding behind my fiancé – is laughingly ineffective. Like, quick! Hide this hot pink bowling ball behind this #2 pencil! We are so very clever.
-When posting the quintessential vacation photo to Facebook (toes in the foreground, beach and ocean in the background), know that every Like is a jealous Like, and relish in that jealousy.
Roll around in it a bit, because finally it’s you.
-There’s no real reason to bring a 3-year old and a one-year old on a three-hour tour of the rainforest besides you’re having a miserable trip and want to spread that feeling to others.
-Scorpions and Scorpios are two different animals. One is a predatory anthropod within the class of Arachnida; the other is an Earthling born in late October to late November (I’m actually marrying one). The number of times I cried, “Is that a Scorpio?!” while pointing at nothing in a corner was Jessica Simpson-level ridiculous.
-Eating a salad while on vacation will make you feel like some kind of superhuman international health guru. I felt like Gwyneth ‘Goop’ Paltrow herself would have high-fived me, had she the strength and coordination.
-This was my first vacation with a camera phone that’s awesome and wow! Going from a 3GS iPhone to an iPhone 5 was the difference between riding a Vespa and piloting the Starship Enterprise. How were disposable cameras ever a thing? How did we ever let that happen?
-Real love looks like the fiancé letting me read Mindy Kaling‘s book over his shoulder on the plane for two hours…when I’d just finished reading the entire book on the previous plane. Worth it!
Traveling was 80,000 kinds of awesome, the jourventure (COINED) of a lifetime. I can’t wait to go back out into the world again, and hope she’ll have me.