Against all odds, I managed to survive the first 40 years of life, like some kind of walking girl power anthem circa 1978. In the days leading up to my birthday, I realized I haven’t done much with this life – in terms of what I wanted to accomplish, anyway – besides holding on with both eyes closed and hoping for the best. I’ve been more talk, less walk – but I want to change that.
So I ordered a custom-stamped necklace (pictured) from my friend Tiffany at Geisha Creations. I wanted a visual call to action, something to keep my eyes open; a reminder of what 40-year old me wants out of life that 39-year old me was too afraid or lazy to attempt. Sure, I balked at how cliché it all was: Turn 40, freak out, stare critically at self in mirror, give up, marathon Game of Thrones, then make list of things I should’ve done when I was 22. Still, it’s better than no list at all, or being dead, or listening to One Direction.
I don’t know what the next 40 years will be like, but hopefully this bucket list will keep me busy for at least the next year.
#ThisIs40 Bucket List:
-Acquire three dragons through trial by fire and an army of slaves/horse enthusiasts.
-Learn to throw lightning bolts like some kind of white-privileged, hammer-wielding god.
-Purchase an Invisibility Cloak for those days I don’t want to be seen, which lately has been every day that has the word ‘day’ in it.
-Slay a Minotaur or, alternately, become one. Terrorize whole cities.
-Give birth to a shadow monster in a cave for political reasons.
-Fulfill burlesque dream of performing in a giant champagne glass filled with soy sauce and potstickers.
-Turn my closet into Princess Mombi’s closet using the KonMari Method.
-Jump from a helicopter onto a moving train onto a penny-farthing.
-Wear the Sovereign’s Imperial robe and royal crown to my next Pap smear; bring the Archbishop of Canterbury to make the process more austere.
-Train a pack of Direwolves to mush as new main mode of transportation.
-Get certified and start throwing shade at the competitive level. Throw it far and wide.
-Learn to braid hair so I look like a shield maiden who permanently lives at Coachella.
-Write television series modeled after Muppet Babies starring the Game of Thrones White Walker winter-babies. Hilarity and deadly shenanigans will follow.
-Double my cheese intake.
-Make more lists.