Job Opening: Battle Guitarist

doofwarrior

Former Employee of The Month

JOB TITLE: Battle Guitarist – CS-0303-11
AGENCY: Interior, Bureau of Citadel Affairs
SALARY RANGE: $38,896 to $42,965 Per Year
POSITION INFORMATION: Full Time – Permanent
DUTY LOCATION: 1 vacancy in the following location: Desert Wasteland, Australia
SECURITY CLEARANCE: Public Trust – Background Check
SUPERVISORY STATUS: No

JOB SUMMARY:

The Bureau of Citadel Affairs is the lead agency in Australia for managing relationships with post-apocalyptic allies and enemies throughout the region. A challenging and dynamic place to work, it enhances community engagement and quality of life for a lucky chosen few, and carries out the responsibility to protect and improve the trust assets of the Citadel.

TRAVEL REQUIRED

  • Yes

SUMMARY OF DUTIES:

  • Represent the Citadel as lead guitarist for all official state trips and battles.
  • Coordinates team meetings, schedule, setlist, and logistics with traveling Battle Drum Corps.
  • Assist Regional Director on assigned matters as an authoritative representative of community outreach.
  • Motivates warriors and warlords in-transit through all fields of battle in diverse and challenging environments.

QUALIFICATIONS REQUIRED:

  • Advanced double-neck guitar skills with emphasis on shredding, dischord, and sludge metal riffs.
  • Advanced stunt work certification with experience in high-speed desert car chases and vehicular acrobatics.
  • Specialized hands-on experience with military-grade flamethrowers.
  • Weather resistant.

SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS:

Official battle guitarist uniform: A red onesie and head-covering mask made from your dead mother’s face.

You will be evaluated on the basis of your level of competency in the following areas:

  • Ability to successfully narrate and convey the mood and pace of battle to all participants.
  • Ability to work, play, communicate, and sleep while attached to harness-bungee suspension system.
  • Ability to withstand 150 decibels for days and weeks at a time.
  • Stage presence, including but not limited to: make-up, costuming, attitude, energy, and audience participation.
  • War Boys Department evaluation.
  • Guitar modifications.
  • Time management.

The Bureau of Citadel Affairs provides reasonable accommodations to applicants with disabilities. If you need a reasonable accommodation for any part of the application and hiring process, please notify the Citadel civilian personnel unit.

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