Election Day, 2016: How My Mind Works
OH MY GOD, IT’S BEAUTIFUL OUT TODAY – IT’S A SIGN!
Wait, it could just be a weather ruse to lull me into thinking it’s a positive sign when really, it’s going to be bad and then I’ll feel doubly betrayed by both America and the sun.
I don’t think the sun has the ability to create a ruse. The sun just does its thing.
If the weather goes south, that could *also* be a ruse – lulling me in the opposite direction and thinking The Cheeto will win. Poor Cheetos. I wonder if they will ever bounce back from this election.
Maybe I should wear a pantsuit today. NO. That’s weird. Also you don’t own a pantsuit.
I can’t believe our long-lost friend finally popped back up on Facebook. I wonder who she’s voting for. I wonder if we’ll see each other again. I’d put my money on no, if I had any money.
I can’t stop putting this Kickstarter hot sauce on Ruffles potato chips. It’s 9:30AM. Maybe I should add it to some eggs instead of this bullshit frat boy breakfast.
The house is a mess and the baby comes today. Maybe if I clean the house real good, “politics” will be nice to me.
How can I even make eggs with a kitchen this messy? It’s impossible.
Is a matching sweatsuit close enough to wearing a pantsuit for solidarity? Not that I have one of those, either.
CHOCOLATE CAKE FOR BREAKFAST. YES.
I hope, if I have any friends or family that voted for Donald Trump, that they never, ever tell me. It would probably break my heart into a million angry pieces.
Normally I don’t like hot sauce but this shit is good.
I should make the fam go for a walk today. Put our faces in the sun. Put on pants that aren’t pajamas, if I can even find some.
Can’t believe how mean I was to [redacted] in my dream last night. I almost feel like I should send her an apology text, but then I’d have to explain what for.
Craving the New Luck Toy dumplings something fierce.
Must find a bar stool to sit on tonight, but close to home so if the polls take a shit, I can cry in my own bed with an extra-cheese pizza.
Keep it together.
Keep it together.
We’re out of potato chips.