Category Archives: game of thrones

Game of Thrones Finale Recap

 

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Tyrion Bluth

We open in the City of Ashes. 

Tyrion and Jon and Co. stand around like human side-eye emojis and take it all in. Dead peeps everywhere. One lone flayed straggler wanders by in a daze. Tyrion makes his way to what was formerly The Red Keep.

Greyworm reminds us that he’s a hired killer and singularly-minded in obeying Dany’s managerial directions aka MURDER EVERYONE. He kills the followers of Cersei in the street.

The Imp takes a stroll down Memory Lane, then goes to find his awful siblings buried beneath one whole layer of bricks. This gratuitous b.s. brought to you by men who thought this would somehow be a tearjerker moment. NO ONE CARES THEY DIED. I would have been much happier with their untimely demise if Jaime had killed her first and then they died together. And Tyrion should be the last one crying over these incestuous dicks who did fuck-all to make the world a better place for anyone but themselves.

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SAYING GOT-BYE

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It must be Game of Thrones finale time

It’s the end of an actual decade of watching Game of Thrones together. I introduced my husband to the books many years ago, after one of my longtime besties, Kim, stayed persistent and made me read them. I refused for so long because the book jacket looked cheesy as hell — I think there was a white guy on his steed in the forest with a snowy castle in the background (Winterfell, probably) — and the first couple chapters were about spooky ghost folks in the woods, so I passed.

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GOT Recap, S8 E5: No, Thanks

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So accurate it’s painful.

“What is dead may never die” and yet I’m ready to pull the plug on Game of Thrones. Better that than watch this sloppy, predictable, dementia-riddled death at the hands of writers who ultimately chose to serve themselves over the actual story.

As someone who loves television, I’ve always been fascinated by writer’s rooms and the creative process by which these complicated stories get made. And I imagined so many scenarios around the Game of Thrones writer’s room; how they potentially built on each other’s strengths and mapped out George R.R. Martin’s epic fantasy tale together. Was it an austere writer’s room, was it messy, was it thoughtful? I envisioned spirited debates over plot points, and late nights where crafting an incredible fantasy series was worth missing out on dinner with the kids or having a girlfriend. I imagined being part of something greater than yourself, writing your name in the annals of television history, and building worlds for people of all backgrounds to dive into, even if just for an hour. The responsibility seemed great, but so did the honor. “Those writers are so lucky,” I thought. “They must be at the top of their game.”

Now it’s clear that the process for writing this show is furiously masturbating onto a pile of old TV tropes, lighting the pile with misogynistic wildfire, feeding the ashes to a woman suffering in silence who wasn’t given any lines, watching her HORK the flaccid remains onto a typewriter from 1984, then naming her vomit “Game of Thrones, Season 8, Episode 5.”

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GOT Recap, S8 E4: WTF

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Look, we have to talk and I have to process, so I apologize in advance for what will surely be a ten-thousand word, one-part rambling/two-part rage post about the latest Game of Thrones episode — called The Last of The Starks — which I’ve aptly retitled: So What The Fuck Was That??

So like, what the fuck was that? As I’ve grown with this series — a good ten years of my life — there have been times that I’ve said to other women, “No, I get it, girl. I get it. Rape scenes: bad. Incest: everywhere. Problematic everything plus a Byzantine cast and plot that could be overwhelming in the wrong hands. BUT HERE’S WHY YOU SHOULD KEEP GOING….” and I became one of Those People, pleading my case in a court of Starbucks, explaining why they should keep watching something so triggering and imbalanced and sometimes devastating. The writing. The cinematography. Jon Snow. Dragons. That George R. R. Martin rule of “Kill whoever!” Arya motherfucking Stark. Continue reading

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GoT Recap, S8 Ep3: G’Night, King

 

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“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.”

You know how we do when it comes to battle episodes: To emoji battle at Winterfell!

There were about 14 minutes and exactly 45 English words spoken in the time before the White Walkers finally got on-screen. In those 14 minutes, we saw our favorite eyes get bigger and bigger with the anticipation of certain death — or did we? I couldn’t see a goddamn thing thanks to winter (it came! like a thick wool blanket dropped over our tv) and the moodiest of mood lighting.

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