Heads of Mettle

It’s been a minute since I’ve been on this thing called “Blog” and I’ve sort of missed it, in the same harmless way I miss radio even though I primarily listen to Spotify now. This is somewhat ironic since I’m volunteering twice a week for local-to-global radio station, KEXP, and listening to more radio playlists than ever, albeit from inside the booth.

I recently wrote a guest post for the Faces of Fortitude blog and forgot to post it, so here it is for your reading pleasure, if “pleasure” for you includes tales of depression and suicide. True to form, it’s not all Debbie Downer because if I can’t laugh at myself, I’ll surely drown in my own fiery, fist-sized tears. I got some fairly dramatic messages after it went live; people will make stuff about them no matter what the topic, but the joke’s on them because I invented that move. Most of the messages were supportive and reminded me I have great people in my life, something that’s helpful during the inevitable low points of this biological adventure.  

Faces of Fortitude began as what I would describe as a self-healing heart project for Mariangela Abeo, a powerhouse friend I met around five years ago. Initially, I was just glad she’d found a creative outlet for the pain surrounding her brothers’ suicide and her own attempt in high school. But then the project spread, as heart projects do when it creates a space for others to be seen, to be heard, to heal; and now it’s on a trajectory that aims to help as many people as possible. I love watching friends step into their power and make big strides in the direction of their dreams. It seems like so many are doing that around me right now and I can’t help but be inspired by it*.

 

 

 

*Doing scary shit I can’t say out loud yet because of the aforementioned scary part

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Kick The Shit Out of Life

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Maria Semple, total badass & Yours Truly, lipstick-wearer

“Maria Semple has a total boner for your writing.” So said Katty, far and away the best part of the writing workshop we finished last month. Tom Skerritt was a fellow classmate, too, because my life is just a series of What The Fuck moments held together by carbs and decorative washi tape from the dollar store. I want to say meeting Katty was nice, a word that describes nothing and leads to other nothing-words like interesting or cool, but really, it was a relief. There is so much weight lifted when you meet a kindred spirit, someone you don’t have to be anyone else but yourself around, loudly and without apology; someone who gets your language and likes making fun of the same people. Our friendship was forged rather quickly — a satirical shotgun marriage, if you will, pregnant with a friendship baby who likes yelling fuck over various dessert items. She is a curly-haired, barely-contained East Coast tornado, which works since I’m a West Coast weather system trapped in a supermodel’s body.

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#MeToo Infinity

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It might be easier and take less time to make a list of women who haven’t been assaulted; a list of men who’ve never been inappropriate around women; a list of people who’ve never been on the internet or heard of Planet Earth. Every day, I brace myself for the dirtbag reveal and the toxic unraveling that follows:

NO

NOT HIM

SON OF A

GODDAMNIT

YOU KNOW WHAT

I FUCKING KNEW

BECAUSE IT’S EVERYONE

IT’S ALL OF THEM

IT’S SOCIETY

IT’S YOU

IT’S US

NO

HIM, TOO?

I KNEW IT

LET’S HIDE IN THE WOODS

Cut to me in a fleece ball on my bed, making sweet love to Netflix, and trying not to think of all the lecherous dickholes Amazon might be partnered with.

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A Cool Ranch of Marikas

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The other day I was in bed around 2 p.m. and wondered what the collective noun for a group of Marikas might be. This alone should tell you a few things:

1) I’m amazing

2) I spend much of my day in soft pants

3) I need more friends or hobbies or maybe a reason to live

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My favorite animal collectives are:

A murder of crows

A shrewdness of apes

A crash of rhinos

An unkindness of ravens

An ostentation of peacocks

A glitter of hummingbirds

A covert of coots

A bloat of hippopotami

 

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Hello | Goodbye | Hello

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FREEDOM IS BLINDING

Psssst. Hey. Hi. Hello.

Been trying to figure out how to present this with as little fanfare as possible, so here goes: This is an update, a confession, two amicable break-ups, and of course a live birth.

So we went on vacation, pictured above, and I promptly had a social media midlife crisis.

What does it all mean? What does anything mean? Why am I doing this, why does anyone do this? Can I ask Facebook for a break, is that even allowed? Can we just get a quiet divorce without anyone in the family finding out? I can’t live like this anymore, something BIG has to change. It’s time to call this what it is: an ill-fated mountain fling that’s doomed to end with “I wish I could quit you,” angry fishing, two failed marriages, and death.

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